At The Mercy Of Men
[Image description: photograph of girl wearing blue hijab with white undercap and a denim jacket, holding up a copy of Kim Jiyoung, Born 1982 so the cover is facing the camera.]
Me with my library copy of Kim Jiyoung, Born 1982…shoutout to EPL
A review of Kim Jiyoung, Born 1982 by Cho Nam-Joo
Kim Jiyoung, Born 1982 by Cho Nam-Joo is an emotion rending exploration of how so much of being a woman in today’s world is being at the mercy of the systems of patriarchy and capitalism, and how they work inextricably together to keep women at the mercy of men. Following the life of Kim Jiyoung, from her birth in 1982 through her childhood all the way to motherhood and it’s breaking point pressure, this narrative is told through a third person voice we come to know towards the end of the first section is the male psychiatrist her husband Daehyun has arranged for her to see due to the perplexing moments wherein the spirits of women she’s known seem to inhabit Jiyoung’s body.
Even though the book jacket describes the narrative as “a chilling, eerily truncated third-person voice”, Jiyoung never felt far away from me or unknowable. I empathized deeply with her perceptions of her world, her realizations about her family and herself, and the contentions she has to make with her place in society due to her gender. The dilemmas both internal and external which she faces, while importantly specific to the experiences of the Korean woman, feel familiar. Funnily enough, I deeply related to the descriptions of Jiyoung’s elder sister and the position she took within the family fighting against the norms and protecting her younger sister. Eldest outspoken daughter culture!
As we follow Jiyoung through her childhood and adolescence she notices her elder sister’s boldness and questioning, her younger brother’s privileges, and then sets out on her own in university and employment, wrestling with the hard decisions she must make about what paths to take in her life. The construction of her reality through childhood and young adulthood culminate in the decisions she finds herself forced to make as a married woman and expectant mother. Even with love between her and her husband, Jiyoung makes sacrifices because it is what financially makes sense. Her husband makes more money and daycare is expensive and the work day is long and exhausting, so it is logical for her to quit her job and stay home with their daughter. But Jiyoung knows from experience and we know from the statistics shared by the narrator that men are often paid and promoted more than their female counterparts, not just for the same work but for less. So while certain things make logical sense for their family, it does not make it fair to Jiyoung.
Being at the mercy of men, even when the man is indeed merciful and loving, is always a losing situation because the systems of capitalism and patriarchy design it so that a woman sacrificing her goals, energy, family connections, independence, and life are the logical and practical decisions all families must make. Even the family structure is impacted by capitalism: Jiyoung and Daehyun live far away from his family, and Jiyoung’s parents must still work at the restaurant to make ends meet. They have been forced into a nuclear family dynamic with no support from the grandparents, and in these situations every help that is taken away is placed on the woman’s shoulders.
The ending was shaking. To go through this woman’s life and feel her sorrows and feel the injustices and acute frustrations she faced, and in the end have it be dismissed by the therapist acting as the personification of patriarchal capitalism that has been a specter throughout the novel was horrifying. This ending perfectly captured the way the everyday oppression of women is pathologized so that women are blamed for not tolerating it enough and no change is made. In the end, the slow progress described by the statistics sprinkled throughout the text seem like miracles because Jiyoung being unable to deal with the pressure placed on her is what is pathologized and medicated, rather than society’s expectations of her. Like the debate in North America about whether women can “have it all”, all being both a career and a family, and the way this discussion never actually holds men to task for their lack of equal partnership and their active role in oppressing women and overburdening them. It becomes just another way women can fail, instead of an attack on the very structures that make it impossible for women to live fully and without great sacrifice at every turn and stage in their lives.
I would recommend this book to women seeking to learn more about the specific struggles other women face in other countries, and to men wanting to see the world from a female perspective. If you’ve ever wondered why the women in your life are bitter about the logical choices they must make that translate to sacrifice, read this. And as you feel for Kim Jiyoung, feel for the women around you.
Have you read this book? What did you think of it? Please let me know below!
